


My Turn

by westebros



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Brainwashing, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 16:34:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1556966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westebros/pseuds/westebros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had always been Bucky taking care of Steve and protecting him. But when he can no longer take care of himself it's Steve's turn to protect him. From the rest of the world and himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After he had first woken up from his coma Steve had spent days just researching. He'd told them he wanted to find out what happened to his friends but really he'd wanted to not feel like such a stranger to the world. Reading about what should have been his future should have made him feel whole but it only tore open the hole in his heart more. 

During some of his research he found out they had buried him. Not really buried, because he had been entombed in ice and metal, but they had given his friends a funeral and a grave to visit. However visiting his own grave was too morbid even for his current state of mind so he filed that bit of information away for later and moved on. 

In the end it didn't take Fury or Natasha to pull him out from under his file of musty old tomes and past regrets. Just the memory of Bucky and Peggy smiling was enough to do that. They wouldn't have wanted him to waste his second chance living in his memories. 

Leaving the archives was one of the hardest things Steve Rogers ever did but he did it for the same reason he did most things. Love. He couldn't bare the idea of Peggy and Bucky seeing him so broken. He would make a new life for himself in this world for them. 

 

So he moves into an apartment and goes on missions for S.H.I.E.L.D. , and he does feel better. He does feel happier. Then along comes The Winter Soldier.

Steve had been able to bury his feeling about his friends death under a mountain of missions and learning to live his own life. Now he had to deal with all those emotions again and whole new set that accompanied the fact that his best friend was trying to kill him. But he never once entertained the possibility that Bucky was beyond saving. Even he was actively trying to murder him Steve could look into his eyes and looking back at him was his best friend.

The man who'd saved from phenomena over a hundred times, the teenager who made him hot cocoa after his father died and the boy who'd saved him from bullies in alleyways. When Steve looked into Bucky's eyes he saw hope. 

 

Waking up in that hospital, Steve had felt absurdly disappointed when he didn't find Bucky by his side. He knew it was pointless, Bucky was a wanted fugitive and an amnesiac. But still he had hoped in some childish way that he'd be there to see him wake up just like when he got the Scarlet Fever and Bucky's smiling face had been the first he's seen since the pain began.

Instead it's Sam sitting on his right listening to music from his I-pod and Steve smiles and says "On your left." because he might not be Bucky but Sam's still Steve's friend and he's relieved to see him alive. 

Once he's out of the hospital knows what to do but not how to do it. He knows he has to find Bucky but he has no idea where to start. The file Natasha gave him sits on his coffee table spread out but he just can't seem to put all the pieces together. So he decides to take a walk.

It's purely chance and a little desperation that he decides to visit his own grave. Maybe he wants to feel a connection to him and Bucky's past or maybe he wants to sit down and grieve. He doesn't get the chance to either of those, because standing in front of his worn down grave stone is a very familiar figure dressed in a black hoodie and jeans.

It's a whisper as he says it. "Bucky."


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky doesn't turn, Bucky doesn't run away and Bucky doesn't say anything. He just stands there like a statue sculpted to break Steve's heart. 

For a while they both just stand there. One staring at an empty grave and the other at an empty man. The only sound is the rustling of leaves and a nest of birds chirping high above both of their heads. The silence is almost peaceful and Steve wants for them to stay like that forever, until he knows they can't.

He moves forward slowly, never taking his eyes off the man that had been the boy who pulled bullies off him and smiled with such bravery Steve had felt courage just seeing him. Seeing that smiling boy now with broken eyes fills Steve's chest with a thousand shards of broken glass, but shinning from underneath all the pain is the warm glow of courage.

All those times he nearly died from whichever pandemic was active at the time Bucky had never given up hope he'd live. When Steve was too scrawny to lift an empty crate but still picking fights, Bucky had somehow always found him and jumped into save him. And on those rare occasions when Bucky didn't get there in time he would patiently wipe the blood off Steve's face with the gentlest of hands.

Years and years Bucky had been his protector and his rock. When things got tough Steve always knew Bucky would be there for him, but now things were more than tough for Bucky. It was time for Steve to bring Bucky soup and wipe clean his cuts and scrapes.

The warmth in his chest flares up burning away the glass shards cutting into his heart. A small but brave smile blossoms on his face as his feet carry him over to the figure of his best friend. At that moment Steve's not sure if it's simply his shell but he has to believe that Bucky came to his grave for a reason. Because on some level Bucky remembers him, wants to be Bucky again.

His eyes are warm and gentle as he comes to stand in front of Bucky. When he receives no reaction his hands are patient as they move to cup Bucky's face. 

Skin contact seems brake the other man out of his daze and now he looks at Steve with eyes full of a thousand questions. That brown gaze holds so many emotions and Steve latches onto the confusion and fear like a drowning man. Bucky's loaded gaze is all the hope he needs.

"It's okay." he whispers with gentle eyes and a patient smile. Steve feels the hot tears making their way down his face and sees Bucky's eyes following their path. "I've found you and I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

Bucky's eyes snap up to meet his gaze and for a second Steve sees them flash with recognition at his voice but then the spark is gone. But Steve refuses to give up hope. If Bucky found his way to his grave then there must be something in him that wants to remember Steve. 

To his surprise Bucky's human hand comes up to touch his face. Tentative at first the Winter Soldier's fingers trace the path Steve's tears followed down to his chin. He opens his mouth as if to say something but looks up into Steve's eyes and snaps his lips shut. 

Steve can't help feels a little disappointed at his friends withdrawal but he smiles another one of his gentle smiles and lowers his hands. "Come on Buck, let's go home. It's getting a bit too morbid standing here." he says grabbing Bucky's metallic arm but Bucky doesn't budge. 

He's stuck staring at Steve's gravestone again, his eyes shifting as he reads what's written on the grey rock. Without taking his hand back from Steve, Bucky kneels down and touches his human hand onto the green grass beneath their feet. He closes his eyes and takes one deep breath before standing up again and turning to Steve with a closed off expression.

Steve understands that something passed between him and Bucky in that moment but he can't tell what. Because that touch was Bucky's grief and Bucky's pain. Steve had already been carrying his around with him since he woke up but Bucky had just started to feel his. 

As the shuttered eyes of his best friend looked at him expectantly Steve knew Bucky hadn't even begun dealing with all the new boats of pain what little of his recovered memories had brought to him. And it broke Steve's heart knowing there would be so much more before he could find Bucky under all the rubble of his mind. 

But as they stepped out of the graveyard hand in hand Steve knew that he would do anything to bring his friend the peace he deserved. He would do anything to see that boyish smile blossom on that empty face again. Because Bucky had been his protector since he was twelve and now it was his turn to take up the role for both their sakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first fic so be gentle. Also if anyone would like to volunteer to beta read future chapters that would be great.


End file.
